I almost threw my own son out of my car. It was a gut reaction, and hearing it come from my own DNA wasn’t enough to override this visceral reaction of disgust. The man sitting next to me felt like the enemy.
I stopped the car and looked at him.
“What did you just say?" I asked him in that tone us all parents do. The one that means business.
And, not only did he say it again, he had the audacity to say it loud, “Enough with the liberals in this country!”
I was horrified. Did I do this?! How could that be? I’ve always proudly worn the title “liberal.” I've fought for women's rights, children's rights, and black rights personally. We live in a socially liberal house that has voted all blue—up until recently. The idea that my son would have such disdain for people who advocate for freedom for those marginalized was confusing (and disheartening).
But he kept talking, and I decided not to eject him from my car (well, he is only 13) and do this crazy thing: listen.
“Why do we have to wave the LGBT+ flags and talk about it all the time? The pronouns are super confusing! Why is there a month for every race?” He said all of this with a tone of exasperation. “Why can’t we all just be one?” And he added that he can’t talk about this stuff without fear of being canceled.
He ain't wrong about that…as his mother was about to cancel him!
I tried to explain all of it to him. "We can’t all be one because not everyone is treated as 'one.'” Not that long ago, I reminded him, women didn’t even have the right to vote. I told him that while the world is better than it was, progress is not the same as equality. Just because someone can legally vote or marry doesn’t mean they are free from prejudice, bias, or systemic disadvantage. We can’t forget history, because it shapes the present. And just before I was about to launch into slavery and segregation, he stopped me.
“I KNOW! Slavery, women’s rights…” (he lists an exhaustive number of marginalized groups). “But what about right now?! Things are better now, right?”
And while I know the answer is far more complicated than he can understand, it made me think…
When have we apologized enough?
When do we allow the next generation to enjoy the fruits of the labor of generations past and move forward? Wasn’t the goal of all these movements to just be equal?
As I sat there gripping the steering wheel, I realized that my gut reaction—to cancel my own son—was no different from the very thing he was expressing frustration about.
The truth is, he isn’t wrong to want unity. His frustration isn’t entirely misplaced. We’ve raised a generation that don’t want to carry the same fights—they want to move past them. And I believe that is the dream, right?
"I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character."
And yet, I also had to ask myself: When do we let our kids live in the world we’ve been fighting for? When does Martin's speech get to be realized not just spoken? I know my kid is ready for that. My son just wants children to act as "one." Where they are not segregated by the adults into “affinity” groups. Where racial and religious identity were not the key identifiers as to who you are?
Maybe it’s not about waving a flag for every group forever. Maybe the goal is to get to a point where we don’t need the flags at all. Not because we’ve erased difference, but because difference no longer divides us.
I do wonder what would happen if the adults took themselves out of the equation. If the adults no longer brought the luggage of the past injustices into every conversation of today. If the adults stopped creating "safe spaces" / affinity groups to teach identity.
I know my kid is dreaming of such a day and maybe he isn't completely wrong.
I know he has this liberal thinking hard over here.
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