New normal.
I hated that phrase. It would illicit a good eye roll from me every time.
And I heard it a LOT. Even cancer moms would say it to me. The trauma of scans and life in the hospital will become “normal.” It will become easier. This was a ridiculous thing to say from my perspective. How could waiting for scans that will determine your life become easier? And would you please shut up! You have no idea. Want a new normal with a black eye? That I can help with.
But they were right.
They were right.
Sigh.
Sitting here right now I realize this. Today is a scan day. I know I am supposed to write AHHHH, but that is not how I feel. I feel perfectly fine. Not happy of course, but I don’t feel like jumping out of my skin, crying, or running for the door. It is just what I do. Even knowing that the possibility of relapse exists, I am fine. I know that I can’t control life. I know that tomorrow is not promised. AND I know that I am prepared.
It’s pretty remarkable how the human body and brain works. How sustained trauma becomes a baseline. How what is “big” is determined by what you consider small. How everything is RELATIVE.
Just yesterday, Steve forgot to tell me that our apartment in New York flooded with 3 inches of sewer water. So gross. When he finally remembered, he told me with a matter of fact tone. We went through the things we wanted to check for insurance and then I turned my focus back to my work meeting. Floods small. Helping children through the COVID crisis, BIG.
So if you are wondering HOW the world will work in a new normal? Or how YOU will adapt to the new normal, you will. Species adapt that is what we do. We will adapt. The issues of today will not be the issues of tomorrow as you have already resigned to the issues of yesterday.
You will try and fight it. You will. You will try and push your old life into the new one. That will be a phase. But that will end one day and you will see that the trauma feels less.
Right here in the room of waiting, it feels less. It feels like an ordinary day, because it is an ordinary day. It is my normal.
So yes…the new normal is a TERRIBLY annoying thing to be told, but I’m here to break it to you, it is real and guess what?! You will be okay.
You will be the NEW you.
Comments