I sit in silence

He couldn’t be nicer. He opened the door and when I, as usual, forgot something and had to run back into the apt, he graciously said he would wait for me. He even backed down Mercer street. A brave NYC gesture and appreciated. 

Jacob would rate him 5 stars.

And he is indeed a 5 star Uber driver. Adored by all. Stellar reviews.  I  know this fact because for the first time in my life I decided to read everything about my Uber driver in his profile. Every little detail including his name. 

And it’s a long ride. I’m on a special operation to deliver rust paint to Steve in Jersey city so I’m going in tunnels and I’m oddly aware of this fact on this beautiful New York City day. 

And Shurat and I sit in silence. The whole entire way even after the chatty dialogue minutes before when I thanked profusely for waiting. 

I wonder why he stopped talking. Is he too unsure what there is even to say?  Or is he thinking of the fastest route?

I do wonder…But I only know my silence and it is deafening. 

I sit in silence after the question how are you?

I don’t even know what to say.

I sit in silence because of actual fear.

I don’t know if you want to hurt me

I sit in silence out of pure uncertainty

And yet guilt for this beautiful day in New York City when my Israeli brothers and sisters are fighting an enemy that plays by NO RULES. 

So I just sit in deafening silence.